The other day I thought I'd do the wife a favor and fill a lighter I'd found-she's always trying to find a working lighter (I quit smoking now 3 1/2 years ago, after an ambulance run when my emphysema took a big ol' turn for the worse) and it was one of those that 'sputtered' when you tried to fill it, so I was fillin' it leanin' over the sink (also a better position for me to stand for any length of time, with my faulty lungs and all). I should probably mention too that my beard is now 3 1/2 years along-pretty good for me because usually I get bored with it long about January or Feb.- I'll grow it back late July, early August so I have a good Minnesota winter growth by November and inbetween I can grow different beard mustache looks every few weeks-stuff grows fast n think! The last time I had a long one like this was nigh on 18 years ago-had that beard 'bout 2 1/2 years, then one night when goin' to ad in incense stick near this lit-up water feature we had in the living room with the grim reaper and a place on each side for those tall candles -it was cool, water flowed ovwer this crystal ball the reaper had his hands over and it turned the water red. Pretty cool thing! But as i was walkin' towards it I tripped over my own feet (a phrase associated with me for, at that time, 40 odd years or so) and went face first into the candle. Best thing, I never noticed anything 'til I smelled something and asked the wife and she looked at me and yelled out that my face was on fire! Scratch one 2 1/2 years ol' beard! So, anyway, after lettin' you know how hard it was for me tolet it keep growin' that long, back to the story and me leanin' over the sink fillin' the sputtering lighter-by the way there wasn't anything in the sink but two small plates with water in them. Sooo, ya know how when you have a spluttering lighter and you flick it to see if it's taking the butane or if you emptied the lighter? Yep, you got it, I flicked it and the sink exploded into flame! (And I was right in front of the kitchen window, and it's well after midnights, so the reflection was perfect!)Of course, leaning over the sink, so did I! I start beating at my face to put it out and see in the window's reflection my hands were also on fire, so I'm beating at my flaming face with flaming hands (the things you see when you don't have a camera!) when I funally put myself out. After smothering the fire and beating it out I saw piles of ash sitting on the counter! Finally just smoking, I find a mirror and find out I only lost an inch or so off the beard, on the right side only, but the scary part was my eyebrows were burnt (how close was that!) as well as a good half inch off the hairline! It was about this time the wife came down the stairs and asked me what the terrible smell was! She's still trying to hide the butane and the lighters from me! But the way I see it, it's just another one of those things I've learned to live with. There's a reason I don't help my brother on jobs (last time I helped him all I hadda do was hold this oak door down in the bed of his truck so he could plane a lil bit off the bottom, but I fell into the door and cracked it in half-that came outta my pay that week!)!
